I was listening to a podcast this morning whilst out for a run. The James Hollis episode of Feel Better, Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee, and one quote stopped me in my tracks.

James said:

“Are you living the life that is intended by your nature, not by the culture around you?”

Oof.

One of those lines that gets stuck in your brain and won’t leave. I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon!

Because… well, that’s the question, isn’t it?

When the Life You Built Doesn’t Quite Fit Anymore

There’s this thing that happens, and it’s happening to so many of the women we work with, where you look around at your life and think:

“This should be working.”

But for some reason, it doesn’t quite feel right anymore.

It’s often not a dramatic midlife meltdown. It’s a sense that the things you’ve worked so hard for, the job, the house, the reputation, aren’t actually feeding you in the way they used to. Or maybe never did, but you were too busy keeping up to notice.

James Hollis talks about the “first half” of life being about answering the question: What does the world expect from me? Building an identity. Playing the part.

But the second half (I should state, he doesn’t mean chronologically, he means the moment you’re ready) is about asking:

What is life asking of me?

Or even more simply: What do I actually want now?

It’s Not Always Easy to Answer That

And if I’m being really honest, that question used to terrify me.

Because what if the answer pointed to some huge change? What if it meant quitting something that looks successful from the outside? What if it meant disappointing people?

But what I’ve learned, still am, is that ignoring those questions doesn’t make them go away. It just makes life feel a little… off.

So Where Do You Start?

Start with your values.

It doesn’t have to be a company away-day, presentation kind of way.

But in a real, maybe messy, this-is-why-I-care-about-what-I-care-about kind of way.

When I figured out my values, so much clicked into place.

Suddenly I could see why that previous role felt so soul-draining, even though on paper it was a “dream role.”

I could see why certain decisions made me feel calm and grounded, and others gave me a not in my stomach.

Your values are kind of like an internal sat nav.

You’re probably following them already, even if you don’t have the words for them yet.

Why It’s Worth Naming Them

Because when you don’t know what your values are, it’s really easy to drift.

To get pulled off track by other people’s opinions, expectations, or snazzy reels.

But when you do know what you stand for - what actually matters to you - things start making sense.

You say no more easily.
You spot red flags sooner.
You stop explaining yourself as much.

It doesn’t mean everything gets magically easy. But it feels truer. More aligned. Less like you’re faking it through your own life.

A Few Questions to Get You Thinking

Here are some of the prompts we give to our coaching clients, no fluff, no jargon, just something to start thinking about.

Pick one. Or a few. No pressure to answer them all.

What’s something that really winds you up when other people do it?
(→ Might point to: accountability, respect)
What kind of behaviour makes you admire someone?
(→ Might point to: honesty, work ethic, courage)
What do you always try to do properly, even if no one’s watching?
(→ Might point to: fairness, discipline)
What kind of situations stress you out at work - and why?
(→ Might point to: clarity, autonomy, being trusted)
What’s something you wouldn’t compromise on, even if it made life easier?
(→ Might point to: integrity, truth-telling, doing a job properly)
What would you tell your younger self not to put up with?
(→ Might point to: self-respect, being valued, kindness)

If you start to notice the same kind of words or themes cropping up again and again, that’s something to pay attention to.

Want to Go Deeper?

We’ve made a free values resource to help you with this. You can download it here and work through it at your own pace:

🌿 Figuring out your compass

And if you’re in that “what now?” space and want support figuring out what’s next, we’ve opened up a few spots for 1:1 coaching. No pressure, just real conversations with people who get it.

👋 Get in Touch

Whatever stage you’re in, keep asking the questions.
Even if you don’t have answers yet.

Especially then.

Sometimes the real work is just staying curious long enough to hear what your life is trying to tell you.

With love,

Nikita x